When was the last time u did something for the first time...

Finally end of my unhappy bday. I am really trying hard not to call him, sms him and msg him even when I see him in msn. But I really can’t bear to not answer his call when he call me, not reply his sms when he text me and also can’t bear to ignore his msg in msn. And he knows it. He saw through my weakness and played around with it. HE say he really misses me and can’t help it. He wants to continue seeing me…… I am tempted but I made a promise to myself that I will never be the other woman and I must stand by my faith. I can compromise to anything but sharing the one I love with another woman. Coz once I put my love on someone, I fall deeply. I can do silly and crazy things for the one I love. However, due to bad experience in the past, I tend to put up a protective wall around myself in order to prevent myself from getting hurt. I tend to over-analyzed the guys around me and I make sure to never let them know what I am really thinking. I like to let guys keep guessing about what I’m thinking. But I guess I’m not good at this around guys that I like.
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In my 22 years of life, I only had one bf. I may have lots of flings and no strings attached r/s after that. But when I’m with this bf, I was totally faithful to him in our 3.5 years of r/s. I knew him when I was only 16 turning to 17 soon. He is 4 years my senior. When we were together, I wear the pants in the r/s. I got whatever I wanted. He appeared to be a very good bf. The last thing that I would ever believe is that he would cheat on me. I had always believed that god is fair. So I believe that if I remain faithful to him, he will do the same to me. When I was with him, I seldom go out with my guys friends any more. I gave up a lot of things for him. Little would I knew that after 3.5 years together, he will leave me for an old woman. Arg!!!! I hate old woman…..He left me for a girl his age… My pride and my ego was totally crashed…. It was after him that made me lose confidence in guys. After him, I can’t seems to find guys of the same frequency with me. KIA is someone like a brother to me, so therefore, he can’t be the one whom I can spend my life with. Then Jing came along….. But due to my expectations and his aspirations, we can’t be together… After Jing, I met ‘my man’…… I like him more than I thought…. I really thought that we can be together…. But now, my heart is hurt once again…

Signing off,
Adri